I go running almost every day.
Not so long ago, I have realised that sometimes there are people that make your time outside less enjoyable.
For the record, I am aware of the fact the I am not the queen of the castle (the park is not mine and mine only), but those kinds of people can just make it slightly (or slightly more) difficult to share the place for that hour or two per day for me.
1. The observer
This guy (I am not sexist, I just have not seen a woman doing that so far) sits on a bench in the park, puts the roller skates (never used, I could swear on whatever you´d make me swear on) next to him.
He places his decent beer belly comfortably on his legs (if you are "lucky", he´ll also be shirt-less), wears a creepy smile and x-rays every moving body passing by.
2. Mr. and Mrs. Hello, I am training for the Olympics
This person thinks s/he is the centre of the universe. That means that if s/he is just a split second faster than you that the line or track is his or hers and you better automatically jump out of the way as soon as possible!
3. The dogwalker
So an incident that happened to me just the other day during my morning run.
This tiny annoying dog keps running after me and trying really hard to separate a piece of flesh from my leg.
And yet I always thought that this is a no-brainer ... if my dog ignores my command, I have him/her on a leash.
Well, apparently that is not how the majority of Czech people thinks.
I am sorry to say this, I don´t care how cute you think your dog is, I´d like to keep my Achiles tendons attached for a little while longer, thank you very much.
4. The dating people
You have probably seen them before...in fact you can tell the by the first look.
They are the couples on their first, second and/or third dates.
The ones that are being all shy and awkward about each other with all that chemistry in the air, braving the new world of holding hands, stroking each others faces and running fingers through each others hair.
Well, as romantic as the idea of it sounds (and believe me, I don´t mean to sound bitter) they make you feel like a party crasher, the third wheel.
So...you as are passing by, you are thinking "how shall I act"?
Shall I try to put on an encouraging smile with a hidden message "you keep doing what you´re doing, I´ll just roll away quietly while staring on the ground" kind of thing?
From my experience...don´t put on the smile (there is a danger that you might end up looking like a creep)...just pretend like you are not there and they aren´t either.
Just don´t try to run too fast, you might find yourself out of breath behind the nearest corner, having to stop to catch it. All you are likely to catch is just another couple that you´ll have to pass by while gasping for some air to fill your lungs (yep, had that happening to me too).
5. The peeing person
This is not a jealous me talking (in a sense that women do not have it that easy), but am I the only one thinking that it is just not ok if a guy has to go, all he has to do is to take out his equipment and pee on the nearest tree?!
Hello! I don´t want to see any of this!
There actually is a restaurant in the middle of the park and I am pretty sure it includes a toilet, a very clever human invention that has been used for centuries now to keep things like this private.
6. Mr. and Mrs. I Work Out
There are actually two kinds of those people - those people most likely posess some slightly unusual skating skills or or those working out and posessing a trained body that they are dying for others to see.
A message to the show off people?
Please don´t try to impress everyone too much - you are most likely making everyone feeling awkward for you and also you are likely going to hurt yourself. Yes, I have had that happening to me and I was not trained for the first aid at that time and I do tend to feel dizzy if not faint when I see blood...so no...don´t do this to other people, they might not be qualified enough to rescue you.
A message to the "perfect" body people?
I am sure you like to spend hours and hours of sweating to seemingly make yourself look better, but have you by any chance considered that those muscles ( yes, I probably checked them out, since you are not wearing a t-shirt wanting others to check you out) might not be much of a help in the freezing weather that you still decided to be shirtless (no matter the weather, whatsoever). Ok, forget the abs, just put some clothes on please, I feel cold for you and I don´t want to.
7. The weirdo
If you are like me and might not always enjoy meeting other people (especially those above mentiones) and just feel like having some time alone, you might choose to walk/run on the less popular paths of the park. By the less popular, I mean...you might need to walk/ run through some darker and sheltered places.
Beware though, in those places you are very likely to meet people you would not like to meet anywhere. Yes, they might be harmless and that striking smell of alcohol and and outfit that was dirty and full of wholes last year might just mean a set of unfortunate circumstances, but still you might have these voices of the people that care for you ringing in your head "don´t go in the dark places, dear, you never know what kind of a weirdo you are going to meet and what can happen to you". (Thanks, mum, for your upbringing and turning me into an extra-paranoid individual :) )
8. Mr. and Mrs. I just bought this perfume, you likey?
Don´t get me wrong, I do appreciate the fact that it finally seems like Czech people discovered deodorants this summer (was about the bloody time!), but they also started flirting with perfumes.
Not always successfully one might add.
Passing those people makes you feel like you are walking through the airport duty free shop for another 10 metres...and I was hoping to breath some fresh air outside.
