A marriage or...not so much?

As my friends, of the same age as I am, start getting married or even having children I cannot help reflecting on what does the concept of marriage mean for me.

I will try to be completely frank. 

I think for a long time, I have lived in a strange bubble with opinions that have been pre-made for me and that I happily called mine.
But they were not.
I was either adopting them from my parents, who are extremely fortunate to have a true fairy-tale marriage, or from Disney (or simply other kinds of media).

However, I realised, I need to strip myself from them and find out what mine and true opinion is.

 >and I am not saying that it is not going to develop and maybe even change, because it likely will, but this is where I stand now<

Before I do that though I want to get into what the pre-made opinions are, name them and swipe them away for what ever the reason.

Firstly, I think there is a hell lot of cliches and misconceptions floating around the concept of marriage.

To a large extend I have been influenced by my family, society and culture.

In the family, society and culture that I grew up with a marriage was (at least if you were born a girl) something to strive for, as in ultimate goal in your life ensuring stability and happiness.
If you try to question it, here goes a "feminist label" right there. Wait. Let me stick it to your forehead so that the men with small balls run away while they can and later make hater comments.

Think for a minute...Isn´t it the biggest pretense ever?
 I mean...there has always been this ritual of two people getting together and acknowledging their belonging with each other with a celebration. But when did that become the very ultimate goal ensuring universal happiness?

Secondly...let´s think for a bit about what do really fairy-tales and cartoons that we grow up with teach us. The story usually ends with two people getting married and saying then that they lived happily ever after.
Two questions there.
So they had to get married in order to live happily, weren´t they able to be happy before that?
 So...are we suggesting that marriage the ultimate happiness to strive for even in a EU society where half of the marriages ends up in a divorce?
>and don´t get me wrong here, I am not advocating for bringing the issue of a divorce in the fairy-tale<

Nevertheless, I dare say that this creates a false picture about the goals to reach for yourself, relationships, weddings and the marriages itself.

Thirdly, what just really bugs me about the marriage is that people let themselves be manipulated into expecting that it will be the best day of their lives.
The thing is, that it probably won´t.
The expectations are too high, many things (can) go wrong, the adrenalin and nerves are kicking in...and people often describe it as being in sort of a vacuum unable to recall details.
I think it is not the day that shall be standing out, it is the mutual relationship that shall be cherished and just not that one day, but all the days. Not this one day should be the best day of your life, it can be just any day or days.

"He finally asked her to marry him"

The other day, I overheard a conversation of two women in the gym and it went something like this: "so she finally had her way and he proposed".

 This somewhat common belief that women want to get married and men are supposed to be the ones to propose just enhances stereotypes in the society. 

Is it just me or did it really sound more like "so he finally gave up and submitted to the hers and societal expectations"? 

I am not being a radical feminist here, I am saying, there should not be any rules spoken or unspoken as to what each gender should do or expect. 

Finally...

I think that I would like to get married one day.
To me it should not be about the dress, the cake and it will probably not be "the best day of my life" (as people like to say so terribly often). To me it would be a celebration of two people who wish to belong with each other ... until they don´t. 

Don´t make a mistake...I am not saying "belonging to someone", I am saying "belonging with someone".

I am not a religious person, I don´t think that there is a need to be married in a special kind of building (besides, God should be everywhere anyway so...), but if that´s what floats people´s boats, then why not. 

Oh and by the way...

Yes, the wedding day can be the best day of your life. 

But, don´t set this for yourself as if you want it to be the best day of your life.
Maybe your first date was.
Or maybe it was that Sunday in mid-April when you went to the park and the first proper sunshine was warming up your faces.
Or maybe you are living your best day just now.

Don´t set yourself for false expectations for "the big day"...or don´t let marriage be the ultimate goal in your life.

A take home message?
Do not submit into buying what media sets for you to strive for.

If you do, don´t be disappointed if it does not work out...because it was almost designed not to. 

And a bonus!

Here is how a marriage looks like in 

matriarchal societies.

>notice specifically the proposal, inheretance and divorce issues<

Rise and shine little star!

When I was a kid...I might have been a slightly unusual one.

I never really much enjoyed playing with toys (or children of my age), I rather wanted to be involved with and understand the adult world ASAP. 

I might have comprehended few things earlier than it is usual and people in my surrounding also discovered that I have a pretty strong and photographic memory.

I don´t think that I possess a special talent, but I did somehow ended up hearing sentences like "I know that you are going to be someone one day" (seriously, does this even make sence?), "we are expecting big things from you, you know" or "I can´t wait till the time proves what is in you" (yeah, let´s hope that at least one of us lives by then).

Now that after 16 years I decided to be done with studying (at least for some time), people are gathering around me like hungry wolves around their pray. 

They are expecting me to RISE AND SHINE and prove their initial thoughts.

Everyone is so bloody ready for me to be successful and excellent.

You know what? 

I know that you want the best for me, cheers for that, but checking on me every day if I am rising and beginning to shine is exhausting! 

I think I know what I might want for myself in the future - I want to teach media literacy, I want people to use media as a tool and not become slaves to it. 

That´s the idea, but there might be a bit of road to it. 

When it comes to making it come true, there are few things in a way...such as me not having a teaching qualification or almost non-existant master studies (except New Zealand, where the tuition itself is way beyond what we´d be able to pay) that would offer this specialisation.

So dear grandma, parents, friends and supporters...bare with me a little longer. 

I do have few things (except travelling the world of course) to figure out as you can see.

And...It might just take me a wee while to find my place in the galaxy. 

>if in the meatime you bring a temting job offer, I shall consider that<  :)

Your facebook profile picture

Based on a conversation that I had with my friend Lexie the other day, 

I decided to write down what I think your profile picture means. 

Feel free to disagree. :)

Also...so that you would not think that I am a hater, I added some of my old and ridiculous profile pictures so that you can have a laugh.

A selfie means:

Hey, I just learned how to take a selfie, hope I am doing it right.

A picture with an expensive looking car means:

Hell no, that Lamborghini is not mine; I can hardly afford a bike. But my friend Steve told me that chicks will be all over me once they see this. Yeah…he is still single, not sure why.

A black and white picture means:

I am so artsy!

I was sunburnt but liked that pic anyway, so I just put it in black and white (smart or what?).

A picture with weird colours means:

Hey, I am a teenager.

Hey, I just discovered that you can play with the colours.

Hey, I am a teenager and I just discovered that you can play with the colours.

A picture with your partner means:

I am sooo in love and I need the online world to know it. 

Also, that guy/girl is taken, so you and your innocent smile better watch out.

A picture of you and your pet means:

I just broke up, but hey there is still a living and breathing thing that I can cuddle with.

I just got a new pet, you likey?

A picture of you and your new hair means:

A guy / girl just broke up with me.

I really needed a change.

A guy / girl just broke up with me and I needed a change.

A swopped profile picture means:

Haha, I am so funny, I am using my best friend´s picture as my profile picture…best friends foreveeeer!

A picture that does not show your face means:

I don´t believe in showing my face on facebook, get over it!

I don´t believe in showing my face on facebook, NSA and all that Jazz, you know? And my real name is also not John Doe, in case you were wondering.

A picture of you I smart clothes means:

I am getting serious about my career, so this is me looking decent and smart, forget about the drunk pictures, I am all about business and money these days.

A picture of you with alcohol means:

I just turned 18 and can legally drink.

A picture of you outdoors means:

Gosh, I am so outdoorsy you would not believe. When is the next hike?

A picture of you next to a wax figure means:

I will probably never meet this person, but hey...there is an extremely cool picture of me and piece of wax in covered in clothes.

A picture of you and some African/Indian kids means:

Those kids will probably never hear of internet, but let me take a picture with my newest Iphone.

A picture of you with other people means:

Gosh, I have so many friends.

Gosh, I am so popular.

A picture of you in your sunglasses means:

I could not be bothered to put on makeup today.

Check out my funky sunglasses.

I am a celebrity.

A picture of you infront of a well-known place means:

I am in Paris / Stonehenge, so let me take a picture. 

A crazy picture of you means:

I am not pretty enough to have a pretty profile picture so I decided to go with crazy instead.

A picture of a celebrity means:

This is my celebrity lookalike, see?...What do you mean I look nothing like him!? I totally look like Brad Pitt!

A painting means:

I suffer from a lack of recent photos of me. 

I am turning into an expert in art, see, I even know van Gogh!