A marriage or...not so much?

As my friends, of the same age as I am, start getting married or even having children I cannot help reflecting on what does the concept of marriage mean for me.

I will try to be completely frank. 

I think for a long time, I have lived in a strange bubble with opinions that have been pre-made for me and that I happily called mine.
But they were not.
I was either adopting them from my parents, who are extremely fortunate to have a true fairy-tale marriage, or from Disney (or simply other kinds of media).

However, I realised, I need to strip myself from them and find out what mine and true opinion is.

 >and I am not saying that it is not going to develop and maybe even change, because it likely will, but this is where I stand now<

Before I do that though I want to get into what the pre-made opinions are, name them and swipe them away for what ever the reason.

Firstly, I think there is a hell lot of cliches and misconceptions floating around the concept of marriage.

To a large extend I have been influenced by my family, society and culture.

In the family, society and culture that I grew up with a marriage was (at least if you were born a girl) something to strive for, as in ultimate goal in your life ensuring stability and happiness.
If you try to question it, here goes a "feminist label" right there. Wait. Let me stick it to your forehead so that the men with small balls run away while they can and later make hater comments.

Think for a minute...Isn´t it the biggest pretense ever?
 I mean...there has always been this ritual of two people getting together and acknowledging their belonging with each other with a celebration. But when did that become the very ultimate goal ensuring universal happiness?

Secondly...let´s think for a bit about what do really fairy-tales and cartoons that we grow up with teach us. The story usually ends with two people getting married and saying then that they lived happily ever after.
Two questions there.
So they had to get married in order to live happily, weren´t they able to be happy before that?
 So...are we suggesting that marriage the ultimate happiness to strive for even in a EU society where half of the marriages ends up in a divorce?
>and don´t get me wrong here, I am not advocating for bringing the issue of a divorce in the fairy-tale<

Nevertheless, I dare say that this creates a false picture about the goals to reach for yourself, relationships, weddings and the marriages itself.

Thirdly, what just really bugs me about the marriage is that people let themselves be manipulated into expecting that it will be the best day of their lives.
The thing is, that it probably won´t.
The expectations are too high, many things (can) go wrong, the adrenalin and nerves are kicking in...and people often describe it as being in sort of a vacuum unable to recall details.
I think it is not the day that shall be standing out, it is the mutual relationship that shall be cherished and just not that one day, but all the days. Not this one day should be the best day of your life, it can be just any day or days.

"He finally asked her to marry him"

The other day, I overheard a conversation of two women in the gym and it went something like this: "so she finally had her way and he proposed".

 This somewhat common belief that women want to get married and men are supposed to be the ones to propose just enhances stereotypes in the society. 

Is it just me or did it really sound more like "so he finally gave up and submitted to the hers and societal expectations"? 

I am not being a radical feminist here, I am saying, there should not be any rules spoken or unspoken as to what each gender should do or expect. 

Finally...

I think that I would like to get married one day.
To me it should not be about the dress, the cake and it will probably not be "the best day of my life" (as people like to say so terribly often). To me it would be a celebration of two people who wish to belong with each other ... until they don´t. 

Don´t make a mistake...I am not saying "belonging to someone", I am saying "belonging with someone".

I am not a religious person, I don´t think that there is a need to be married in a special kind of building (besides, God should be everywhere anyway so...), but if that´s what floats people´s boats, then why not. 

Oh and by the way...

Yes, the wedding day can be the best day of your life. 

But, don´t set this for yourself as if you want it to be the best day of your life.
Maybe your first date was.
Or maybe it was that Sunday in mid-April when you went to the park and the first proper sunshine was warming up your faces.
Or maybe you are living your best day just now.

Don´t set yourself for false expectations for "the big day"...or don´t let marriage be the ultimate goal in your life.

A take home message?
Do not submit into buying what media sets for you to strive for.

If you do, don´t be disappointed if it does not work out...because it was almost designed not to. 

And a bonus!

Here is how a marriage looks like in 

matriarchal societies.

>notice specifically the proposal, inheretance and divorce issues<