Unexpected beauties

It is a choice.

You either choose to be worried or you choose to dream, romanticise and appreciate.

When the dreamer in me takes over and shuts off the worries, I see how amazing life is.

I see infite beauty in the smallest things.

When I see them, the time freezes and I am I just watch and marvel.

Here are few examples:

The flight of a bird

The clothes on a washing line

The sun shining through the leaves

The sunshine sparkling and reflecting on a snow

People´s hands

>Leonardo da Vinci - Creation of Adam, Study of hands<

 Since I was small, I love to look at people´s hand. 

They tell you a lot about a person. 

You can see how old they are, what profession they might do, how do they value their hand. 

A smile

"This rather "unexpected"", you might think.

Well, it is almost a cliché now to say that a smile is pretty.

But to me...a smile on a person is something incredible. 

I used go to high school with one girl who would always be smiling. Not sure if if was just her usual expression or she has always been so happy. 

Regardless, meeting her randomly and seeing her smiling always made my day.

There is a real beauty in one´s smile...so let´s smile more.

How eating healthy food starting floating my boat

So...I have never really payed THAT much attention to what I was eating.

I mean avoiding even traces of (/ may contain) gluten just seemed like bloody enough to me.

Of course...like almost all the girls (sadly) I have had issues with accepting how my body looks like as well as the number I saw on the scales.
And like all of us girls...I have been through a process of on and off dieting since I was about 12.

I have always felt fat...never slim or even "ok".
Regardless of how slim or fat I actually was. I have always felt the need to compare myself to others and if I felt fatter I would skip a meal or started obsessively exercising.
None of that worked in a long term of course.
Eventually, I got over teenage years and stopped worrying too much about my body or the food.

However, I changed and realised I need to pay a bit more attention to what I eat after all.

So what changed me?
My grandpa died quite ahead of his time last April from a combination of illnesses.

>that is me with him during Easter, when I was about 4<

In the middle of the grief I realised one important thing...some of those illnesses could have been prevented or managed better when eating better and exercising more.

When I was small my grandpa always used to tell me "Julinko, enjoy that you are still a child while you can".
I never ever understood this sentence when there was nothing I wanted so badly as to be a grown up.
The world of grown ups seemed so exciting and I often felt lost as a child.

But, when my grandpa died, that was the time when I actually felt lost for real.

I could not wrap my mind around the fact that I won´t be able to see him, 

to see the little devils in his eyes, 

to see his huge hands, 

to cut his hair, 

to talk to him about the Second World War or 

to hear him laugh.

All sorts of thoughts were consuming my mind.

Why did he have to die?

Could the doctors have done something differently to save him?

Could I have done something?

Why so early?

It changed me...It hit me...It hit me that life is bloody short.

Because, it seemed like yesterday since my grandpa was telling me with his mysterious smile to enjoy the childhood years.
 Now...as one song goes "the keys to childhood are forever lost". As I can´t be a carefree child (although I actually think I never was...a worrier in me started developing pretty early)... I want to make sure that I enjoy the time that I have and I don´t want to shorten it.

To me...life is beautiful. I love every minute and I want to live full life.

That was how I decided to care home about the food that I eat.

I stopped buying processed food, cut off simple sugars, eat loads of organic vegetables and fruits, avoid meat if I can.
And...I don´t eat junk food and don´t miss it.

We have said our goodbyes with my ex-favourite Kinder chocolate and moved on.
Once I started thinking about junk food as harmful and, if taking to an extreme, life-shortening I stopped having sweet-tooth and chocolate cravings.

Not to forget...I am trying to live a greener life too. I reduced the amount of meat that I eat, try to buy local food, stopped consuming products with palm oil and I try to avoid products in plastic packaging.

I do feel better, physically and mentally. Food gives me energy and does not make me tired anymore. By supporting local farmers I feel good about myself too.

If it was not for loosing my grandpa who knows how long would it take me to realise how important is what you eat.

If I may try to advice you something...don´t wait so long. Don´t buy that hamburger, buy food at farmer´s markets, start cooking or living a greener life.

A wee tip for you:
This girl was able to manage her illness - Postural Tachycardia Syndrome - accompanied with chronic pain and heart palpitations by applying the holitic approach to her life.
She started to care more about what she was eating and started cooking more healthily.
Not only she manages her illness, but also cooks amazing and witty recipies from organic food.
She is a real inspiration to me.

On Organ Donation

5 years ago I have been volunteering on a workcamp in Berlin.
 At that time there was this huge organ donation campaign going on. It was on the posters all over the city.

I did not really give this topic any thoughts before as, luckily, I did not need to.

But being so repetitively exposed to this campaign for 3 weeks, I could not help thinking about it.

Shall I register myself to be an organ and tissue donor?

Is it a right thing to do?

Wouldn´t it be the most amazing thing to do, to be actually able to improve quality or save life or lives of other people with the body that you cannot have no longer any control of?

Shall I think about it this another way of recycling?

The more I think about it...there is a sentence that keeps ringing in my head.

6 years ago during a class devoted to genetics my biology teacher Mr. Turnovský said that by being able to cure people with deadly illnesses and saving babies weighing less than 1 kilo at birth

we are actually - if taken to an extreme - lowering the quality of our genes. 

In another words, he claimed that by going against the Darwin´s theory this way, the humankind digs itself a hole.

Noone really talks about this issue openly, but look at us...we are developing more and more allergies every year, babies are born with lowered immunity systems and we seem to be more prone to illnesses overall.

Should the question sound "Do I save few people´s lives or do I prefer - in a way - saving the humankind?"

Now, here is a confession about something, that very few of you know so far.

My immunity system has been so badly damaged by me consuming gluten for 13 years

>yes it took them 13 bloody years of me being constantly sick till they found out<

that without medication I would have zero immunity.

Not low immunity, zero.

I am dependant on a medicine that is being created from blood plasma that is being donated by people.

Yesterday, I actually even found out that I cannot travel to a destination where I need to be vaccinated beforehand, as my body is unable to develop antibodies.

Would that be making me a hypocrite, then? I have been receiving, but I wouldn´t want to give?

Tell me what you think.

The "perks" of being a tall girl

Since the first grade, I have always belonged to the taller part of the class. 

During our sports classes when we were supposed to gather in a row I always tried to figure out if I was the tallest one. 

I liked being taller.

Then puberty came.
 I realised that I really was taller than anyone else and for several reasons stopped liking it. 

Most of all, I hated the fact that the small and petite girls evoke the impression of cuteness and that they need to be protected and cared for.

Tall girls, on the other hand, are viewed as strong, independent and tough.

But here is a bit of a news.

We can be fragile, we can break, we can feel let down and we might need a shoulder to lean on or cry on too.

I am 178 cm tall. 

>Just for the record, before anyone asks me.<

Nothing major. 

And yes, there are taller girls out there.

As I successfully got over the bloody teenage years of self-doubt, 

I actually could not care less now. 

Nevertheless, let´s admit that there are some "obstacles".

Trousers
They rarely fit. Before I understood that I better give up on this item on clothes once and for all, it took me quite a long time to realise, that the trousers are forever going to be either too short or simply wrong and unfitting shape.
Unless you wanted to wear them as capri trousers of course, then go ahead...or maybe not.

Skirts
A bit of a tricky business too.
I am sorry to say that, but if you are a taller girl a short skirt would always look too short on you.
A long skirt is no help either, as it optically makes you look even taller, yay, high five!

Dresses
What a terrible fashion wave it is now really...Why is all the clothes made for short people? I have no desire to look in it as if I grew up too much and did not want to give up that dress...or shall I say a shirt?

Long sleeve shirts?
Ugrh...sleeves are always going to be too short, fact, get over it.

The back row
In class / theatre / cinema you have been asked to sit to the back row, because people can´t see.

The table desk
You have at least once accidentaly lifted a table desk when trying to cross your legs under the table.

Mirrors
Yes...they do remind you that you are tall, but you are used to that by now probably...hopefully.
But they have their own way of reminding you even when you can´t see yourself because simply they are just too low.
Yay, well done Union Street student residences! Thank you for letting me know that I grew up a bit too much, appreciated.

Bathtubs
Forever too small.

Buses and planes
Forever not enough leg room. I made it on a bus from Prague to Lofoten Islands in northern Norway, that is a lot of self-discipline and self-control and bloody patience right there.

Hugging
You are always the one having to go lower to be able to hug your friend...both female and male ones.

Family buying your bigger sizes
Excuse me, the fact that I am tall does not mean that I wear XL size, thank you very much.

Higheels
Difficult chapter. If even without them you are taller than rest of your buddies, with them you will seem like an Eiffel tower when you put them on. If you like heels don´t let it get to you.

Dancing lessons
Around the age of 15, almost everyone in the Czech Republic goes to lessons of classical dance.
As a girl, you are supposed to wear higheels.
It is actually fun, you learn to dance Waltz, Polka, Jive and many other dances.
Correction.
It would be fun, if you were not one of the tallest people there, which at the age of 15 does not really boost your confidence. 
Most of the guys that are danced with were smaller and during the dance our eyes would rarely meet, as the level of their eyes would correspond to a place where my neck was (or even lower!!!)...which created a lot of awkward situations as you can imagine.

Dating a smaller person
Of course that there are many women who fully accept and cherrish this.
At the end of the day, you are supposed to love that person for who she or he really is, not because of how tall or small he or she is, right?
Well, I tried that and could not get over it.
Maybe I am just not mature enough, but dating a smaller guy made me feel uncomfortable.
I did not like having to lean down in order to kiss the guy, feeling huge next to him or having the same shoe size.
Pathetic, I know.
It might be just my thing, but I think that prefer to have a shoulder to put my head on...and not just metaphorically.

"Oh, could you fetch that, I can´t reach! Thanks love, good thing that you are so tall!"
Yes...you always reach, but don´t let people abuse you! :)

"Oh, you are so tall, do you play basketball or volleyball?"
Yes, you probably have had people asking you that question in the past, way too many times. And you will be asked again and again and again.
>I actually do play volleyball, to answer your question in advance.<

"Oh well, you will you have to find some basketball player to date."
Don´t you dare complain about most of the members of a sex that you are attracted to being smaller than you. People always come up with clever sentences like this.

And a BONUS.

Here is a small photo collection for you to have a laugh about a life of one tall girl.

>>>

We tall girls all know that moment:

- When your friend looks too small next to you and you look too big.

- When you go a step lower and are still taller than your friend.

- When you rather decide to lean down to make it to the photo frame.


- When you are always taller than the rest of the group. Not only you look taller, but also much bigger.

- When you are the tallest in your family.

- When you for once stand up straight and are taller that everyone else.

- When you put on heels and are IMMEDIATELY taller not only than the rest of the girls, but also than 99,9% men.

- When you are taller than your high-school headmaster.

- When you awkwardly lean towards the other person trying to decrease your height.

Launching

I am a dreamer...a hopeless kind.

And I do worry a lot, almost constantly.

I always think of the worst case scenario and try to prepare myself for it, so that I would get hurt as little as possile.
 On the other hand, I still dream about the naively bright and shiny future (however I do not manage to protect myself against the disappointment well enough if it does not go as dreamy as imagined).

Also, my mind is always preoccupied with all thoughts possible.

 You might argue...yeah well, that is what it is supposed to do...dahhh.

But to me...the thoughts can be heavy and overwhelming.

And

I am one of those people who need to talk about them, I somehow cannot process them myself calmly and quietly.

I found out, when writing my first blog that it brings me an incredible relief not having to carry the thoughts around in my brain all the time.

However, as you might know, my first blog is rather themed and I did not wish to disrupt the continuity of my memories with unrelated blah blah.

So that is why you are reading these lines on a new blog.

Purpose?

I am going to be submitting here, whatever will be preoccupying my brain cells that, as the matter of the fact, need to be concentrating on writing a bachelor thesis instead.

A wee request for you!

I realise that on most of the issues I will be writing about I will be having rather one-sided point of view. But, I want...no...I need to know your opinion about them. 
I always want to know more, I want to learn more.

So please tell me, what do you think about the topics and my arguments and why do you think that. 

What makes me proud that I am Czech?

Since I came back from Scotland I do have a big issue being happy, or even ok with being "home".

There are so many things that bother (and bug and frustrate and upset) me about "my" country and "my" people.  At the same time I realise that I have been very critical in the past. 

However, before I tell you why do I occassionally feel proud that I am Czech, let me think about this for a while:

          What makes you and me Czech? 

• Is it the consumption of "our" beloved liquid bread - beer  (which I hate) that is not even owned by Czechs anymore?

• Or is the the consumption of "our" řízek and štrůdl (which is also is also a traditional German food)?

• Is it the way that we celebrate Christmas...a purely Christian tradition when most of "us" do not believe in God anymore and actually we have the highest number of atheists in Europe?
• Is it the place that I share with "my people"...people that can be so mean, ignorant and negative that I have a hard time relating to?
• Is it our language that many people make mistakes in writing, the language that absorbes new English words daily and is predicted to die out?

• Is it the space we live in together and polute and destroy at the same time?
• Is it our history, that is being so badly taught at schools by underpaid and bitter teachers?

• Is it the traditions that are being ignored every year more and more?

You know what? 

It amazes me, how proud Americans are of their nation and how shamefull it sometimes feels to be Czech. 

What happened to us? 

Why do we feel a bit of a resistance saying...I am actually from the Czech Republic, when meeting new people. 

Why to we wave our flag mostly only during the international sports tournaments? Is it only then when the football or hockey team wins a game, that we feel proud that we are Czech, because "WE won"?

As for my point of view...The sport games do not do it for me.

On the other hand, I do feel proud of Czech people that made a difference. The Czech people that made a difference for other people.

When I was small, I never really aspired to be a pop or a film star. 
I actually wanted to be famous, so that I would be able to make it to the bank notes. 

Not because I would like to see there my face. 
It was because I knew that those people made a big difference for the Czech people. 
They devoted their lives so that our country would flourish, our language would be preserved and our politics would go on the right track. 

Those people I am proud of, I am proud that they were Czech and they make me proud that I am Czech too.

> When listening to music of Bedřich Smetana, I can hear the river Vltava flowing through the capital city Prague.

> I am proud that such a beautiful music that Antonín Dvořák composed, when I hear those tunes I am so incredibly proud of him and overwhelmingly proud that he was Czech and I am Czech.

> I am proud of Ondřej Kobza, a guy who started a project Piána na ulici  which places unused pianos in public places where everyone play it and eventually the anymosity that unfortunately rules among people gets broken down slightly.

> I am proud that Alfons Mucha decided not to make commercial work anymore and with his painting abilities capture our history on gigantic pieces of art painted on sails.

> I am proud that Jakub Schikaneder. Just look at his painting, that melancholy, sentitivity and unique atmosphere of Prague in the 19th century breathing from his paintings are irreplacable.

> I am proud of Otto Wichterle, thanks to whom people wear contact lenses instead of glasses.

> I am proud that when listing the Czech people that I am proud of I can go on for a very long time.

But hang on...were they even Czech?

 Some one them were born at a time, when we were still a part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. 

Some of them were born in Czechoslovakia. 

Even I was born in a country that was called Czechoslovakia.

Do artificial borders set by authorities create who we are as a nation and are supposed to feel for, share, connect with and relate to?